Sitting In The Pub

[Black]

It's not often that I'm allowed the freedom to sit back and think
In a small pub about eve's break, I was having a drink
The pour outside was bleak, rendering the whole sky grey
If ever I longed for a story then this would be my day
Not long after that thought, two men came into the pub
One looked like a bard, somewhat elvish, the other stayed covered up
He warmed himself by the hearth almost covering the coals
Speaking to himself low it almost seemed as if he started to glow
He turned around, announced aloud that for a few drinks of ale
He would gladly entertain this crowd with some unheard tale
Many agreed and gathered round turning away from the storm
Relieved to be entertained when most of us still worked and were worn
As the silence settled, the bard introduced himself as Kaiyon the rogue
We cheered twice for liars and thieves whose stories we already know
Kaiyon drew a pipe and filled it slow, measured anticipation as he spoke
He pulled twice and started the vision in a cloud full of smoke

Part 2 coming..

The story of Talon and Opularion

Stay tuned..

[lukey-d]

This is just good and entertaining writing. There isn't a hidden message for me to try and interprit so I have no need to break this piece apart. It is very well written and it makes me sincerely anticipate part two. The rhymes did not seemed forced at all, which is very good and the flow was quite in tune with the piece as a whole. Over all a very good piece. Like I said I await part two.

Lukey-D

[Severus]

An interesting imaginative tale is about to be told Ice.
Very nice. Flow was on point, and stayed steady.
Imagery was vivid too. Something from a Tolkien novel, which is quite interesting to see and read. Good job on the descriptive end.
All in all, its a good read. Most definitely an intro to something epic I guess.
Much props to the power of the human imagination, your definitely using your brains Ice with the storytelling. Stay up on the bard tip.
Peace.
-Severus-

[eye-Q]

nice drop bra,
i like this a lot!!
nice to read something i can really feel once in a while.

peace

tens

[Black]

Originally Posted by Noir

I also had a Q. How the hell do you come up w/ these names?! . . . .lol. You imagination is great. Who the hell thinks of Talon and Opularion?! Lol. But I am waiting/anticipating Pt. 2

haha, Iunno I just come up with em. I'm still writing the story and it's frustrating because I love fantasy but have so many ideas that it becomes difficult to keep it straight and stay on top of it. I should drop the story by Sunday though.

Good looks to all who've checked

[Noir]

First . . Like D said the flow & ryhme were both very natural. Real smooth, kinda sneaks up on you. Lol. I also really like the imagery used.

"He warmed himself by the hearth almost covering the coals"

I enjoy being able to relate to what I'm reading. It helps to give me almost exact understanding. There are time when at home, I'm damn near layin ontop of the heater tryin to warm up.

I also had a Q. How the hell do you come up w/ these names?! . . . .lol.
You imagination is great. Who the hell thinks of Talon and Opularion?! Lol.
But I am waiting/anticipating Pt. 2

[wolf]

Such a vivid imagery. I can imagine myself in that person shoes, havin' a drink, tired from work. you build this up nice, and i am interested in seein where this goes. ... kinda seems like a real life story...

[Indangered]

This is not only entertaining, but it is a great build up to later parts of this story you'll be compiling.

The flow was great, it just bounces and made it a very easy read. Interesting and full of visual images.

[Noir]

yo black,
whatever happened to pt2 for this?

[Broke N English]

a really nice worded piece,i was strangely drawn into the concept of turning away from any problems and feelin at ease in the company of friends as enternainment

'He turned around, announced aloud that for a few drinks of ale
He would gladly entertain this crowd with some unheard tale
Many agreed and gathered round turning away from the storm
Relieved to be entertained when most of us still worked and were worn
As the silence settled, the bard introduced himself as Kaiyon the rogue
We cheered twice for liars and thieves whose stories we already know'

i would also like to see a second part to this maybe explaining the storys of the rouge

gr8 read

[Pharaoh]

didnt like the begining felt it was struggling to entertain me but then it picked up and became pretty dope imo keep up

[speakeasy602]

SHITS HOTT!!!

I liked it